J.G. Releases Baller Underground Rap

Good to be back guys,

It's my privilege to show you an underground rap my buddy "Big Shrim" and I recorded. The track is full of references to South Jerz, cartoons, and great beverages. Enjoy at your own discretion.

BIG SHRIM FEAT J.G. CRABITT (as Angry Man)- It's Just Balloons

PACE!

-J.G.

A Crabs Gotta Do

      Crab Nation! First let me start by making an announcement. Due to the lack of my interest in hashtags I have come to the decision that I am going to #scrapthat. My time would better be served elsewhere such as #releasingthebeast #dominatingtheworld or just plain #beingaCrab #whaddup. Enough of that. I want all of you to be ready for a big time Crab project that is scheduled to go down..now. We are currently working on a Crabsterpiece that is sure to knock any sign of lobster DNA that could be, because your weakness (full offense), trying to creep into your lives. Capiche? Stay tuned for updates as we start this Crabventure.

Stay Crabby My Friends,

Pitt

Fantasy Football Preview:

As the season presses ever closer everyone who counts’ favorite pastime NFL football is again at the forefront of male minds everywhere.  It’s getting close to time to start thinking about fantasy football and the schedules, strategies, and league planning.  The Draft rankings do not mean much at this point in the game as pre-season games may bring injury and unearth rising new stars, but here are top 36 as they stand presently on the NFL's Fantasy football website.

1. Arian Foster (RB) HOU
2. Aaron Rodgers (QB) GB
3. Ray Rice (RB) BAL
4. LeSean McCoy (RB) PHI
5. Tom Brady (QB) NE
6. Drew Brees (QB) NO
7. Maurice Jones-Drew (RB) JAC
8. Calvin Johnson (WR) DET
9. Ryan Matthews (RB) SD
10. Matthew Stafford (QB) DET
11. Chris Johnson (RB) TEN
12. Larry Fitzgerald (WR) ARI 
13. Cam Newton (QB) CAR
14. Rob Gronkowski (TE) NE
15. Darren McFadden (RB) OAK
16. Andre Johnson (WR) HOU
17. Matt Forte (RB) CHI
18. Wes Welker (WR) NE
19. Roddy White (WR) ATL
20. Greg Jennings (WR) GB
21. Jimmy Graham (TE) NO
22. Trent Richardson (RB) CLE
23. Julio Jones (WR) ATL
24. Steve Smith (WR) CAR 
25. DeMarco Murray (RB) DAL
26. A.J. Green (WR) CIN
27. Marshawn Lynch (RB) SEA
28. Mike Wallace (WR) PIT
29. Jamaal Charles (RB) KC
30. Hakeem Nicks (WR) NYG
31. Adrian Peterson (RB) MIN
32. Brandon Marshall (WR) CHI
33. Steven Jackson (RB) STL
34. Tony Romo (QB) DAL
35. Demaryius Thomas (WR) DEN
36. Victor Cruz (WR) NYG 

 As you can see this is the projected order of the first three rounds of a 12 team league.  Out of 36 picks RB and WR split at 14 a piece, 6 QBs, and only 2 TEs.  Though first round is half runners, followed by four QBs, and two receivers, the receivers dominate the following rounds as even the two tight-ends taken play like wide-receivers.  The league has definitely become more pass heavy but that just makes a solid running-back more valuable which is why the top guys are taking before wide-receivers because there is much more receiving talent that can be found later in the draft as opposed to that of running-backs.  I encourage you all to do your homework and do some mock drafts for fun. More updates coming soon. 

Stay CRABby my Friends, 

-DiCrabs

Fun Games

Hey all.

Can you find all 6 differences? Answers will be in next weeks paper.

PACE!

-J.G.

CRABs Sorted

CRAB-Nation!

I am positively thrilled to bring you the news that CRABs J.G., DiCrabrio, and Len have gone through the Pottermore pro-cess and gotten sorted into our appropriate houses. Crab Pitt decided against being apart of the CRAB adventure and therefore has been placed into the Hufflepuff house. Without further adieu, I present the CRABs Hogwarts experience.

J.G.- Gryffindor

This brought me great amounts of joy, like when Brett Favre came to NY. I am prepared and excited to start my journey. Everything from arriving to platform 9 3/4, riding the Hogwarts express, and winning my first house-cup. I am ready to embrace Gryffindor.

DiCrabrio- Ravenclaw

Leonardo is by far the wisest of the CRABs, and so Ravenclaw warmly accepted its newest member. To make sure that he was actually Ravenclaw, DiCrabs went through the sorting pro-cess twice. Commitment. You couldn't force this man apart from his wise roots. Congrats Di

Len- Slytherin

This CRAB can talk to snakes, straight up. He's a freak and he's dang good at being Mad. And apparently evil. Len's precious slytherin recently won the house cup (congrats...-__-) giving him and upper edge and bragging rights on the Funny Team. Won't last long Len, thanks.

Crab Pitt- Hufflepuff

Dude what the heck were you thinking?

G'night CRAB people!

PACE!!

-J.G.

The Dwight Howard Sweepstakes

As the NBA offseason continues, all eyes have turned to what will happen to Dwight Howard, arguably the best center in the NBA. The all-star center has recently made it known that he wants to get out of Orlando, and wants to be traded to the Brooklyn Nets. The Nets seem like a great place to Howard to go, but the problem is that they have recently just signed PG Deron Williams and SG Joe Johnson. They also already have talent at the center position with Brook Lopez. Dwight Howard could get dealt to any other city, but has made it clear that he will not sign a long term extension unless it is with Brooklyn. This makes things extremely difficult and stressful for management of Orlando. They know that Howard wants nothing to do with their city and franchise and has begged to get traded. Also, it is difficult to get anyone to trade with them because other teams know that Dwight Howard is going to divorce them for a year and try to sign with Brooklyn as a free agent. This makes the only decision possible for the Magic execs. is to work out a deal with the Nets that would likely send Howard to them for Brook Lopez, a bunch of scrubs, and multiple first round picks. Although this is not ideal for the Magic, they will likely to get forced into doing a trade that does not give them as much talent as Dwight Howard is worth.

This all makes me furious because I hate to see whiners get what they want (Dwight Howard.) Howard has cried about how much he hates Orlando when the Magic organization has done everything for him. They put talent around him and gave him a great coach in Stan Van Gundy. In return, Howard has gotten general manager Otis Smith fired as well as head coach Stan Van Gundy. Also, he looks like he will probably get what he wants and get traded to the Nets. Because of all of this, Howard has gone from a lovable character who people knew as "Superman" to one of the most disliked players in the NBA. People always talk about how NBA players are thugs and are greedy. This is why these players get these stereotypes. They whine about how everything is terrible for them when in reality they live in a beautiful city, on a winning team, with great fans, making tons of money. Dwight Howard needs to stop trying to be CRABBY and grow up.

Crabbiest CRAB

Len

Overrated/Underrated Bear edition

As many viewers know, the CRABs are very opinionated to who they believe is over and underrated. In this segment, I will talk about the category of "bears" and how they pertain to the overrated and underrated theme.

Overrated

Polar Bears- Polar bears are extremely overrated. As many of us know, they are throwing off things big time when it comes for drilling for oil. I am sick of people telling me how cute and lovable they are. Polar bears walk funny, can't talk, and are just dumb in general. (also beg for recycling to be done during natural disasters) #shout-out

Yogi Bear- Although J.G. will never agree with me on this subject, Yogi Bear is extremely overrated. J.G. claims that this character is funny because he is always going around stealing those picnic baskets. Well let me ask you something... "How would you like it if you learned Yogi Bear stole your food?" Exactly, you would be extremely angry and probably throw a temper tantrum. Yogi Bear is the worst... hate his guts.

Bear Claws- Not bear claws as in the animals' hands, but as the sweet breakfast food that usually contains things such as almonds, nuts, raisons, etc. Many people go around raving about how great this food is. Not at all.... sooo bad... almonds are terrible and so are nuts. These things do not look like bear claws whatsoever. Need some hair and nails on them. #whaddup #badjoke #thisiswhyimonthemadteam

Underrated

Chicago Bears- This NFL team has been around ever since I can remember. Although I am a die hard Lions fan (kinda) the Bears have added new pieces for this upcoming year that make them a contender. People like to forget how well they started off last year, before losing QB Jay Cutler for the year. The Bears are not getting enough love. Watch for them to do better than expected.

Pooh Bear- You are probably looking at this and saying "How is Pooh Bear underrated when everyone likes him?". I just want to say that people love Pooh bear for the wrong reasons. They like him because he is a fun and loving character who makes children laugh. On the contrary people need to learn the real reasons behind loving Pooh. Pooh bear as a huge beer gut, that he says is because of "honey". Yea right Pooh, like people believe that you just eat honey without anything to throw it down with. Cheers Pooh keep lying to the kids. #swag

Grizz-look alikes- Every summer the CRABs go do to the beach where we like to shred. During this time you will find all different types of people. You will see your babes, old men and women, middle aged people and their familes, and of course the GRIZZ men. These guys consist of having disgusting hair which is all over their chests and backs. I know, I know, many of you are saying that this is the worst opinion ever. "How are these fat greaseballs crabtasticly underrated?" Without these men you can't look to the person next to you and point and laugh and talk about how happy you are that you do not have that problem. These guys make for great conversation and therefore are placed easily in the underrated category.


In need of a CRABnation invasion

Len

Pizza Dudes

J.G. here again with some great news.







This has been added to the side of the page.

PACE!

-J.G.

Public Party Foul: South Jersey

G'day all, J.G. here...as usual,

The CRABs and I have been in southern New Jersey for some time ((which absolutely trumps north Jersey, I thangk you. (actually South Jersey should succeed from Jersey in general because south jersey doesn't suck but the state as a whole is running for worst in the nation with the likes of Massachusetts and Pennsylvania)) and we have deemed it party foul worthy that the wreckage from last weeks storm still hasn't been taken care of. People have been out of work, roads have been closed, people have been without TV,(how are they supposed to watch Cory in the house?) and teeth cannot be found. I'm pretty sure that when Hurricane Stamos passed through last year, the clean-up was quick and easy. We lost some valuable lives (E-40, Bam-Bam Flinstone, Scrappy Doo) but had key players like Mighty Joe Young and Babas Maw (see below) step up and do some top-tier cleaning. No excuse south jersey...being kinda lazy. Enjoy that sharps SJ...such a hufflepuff move.



PACE!

-J.G.

CRABs' Sports Team's: A Draft

Evening CRAB people...J.G. Here,

The CRABs have collectively decided that now is the time to choose our sports teams. Ya know, during the summer when no important sports are happening. Baseball? Baseball you say? HMPH. Not a sport. So the F.A.G Team chose their teams, and the Mad team chose their teams, and of course we chose our CRAB teams. Check them out, throughout the seasons we'll be updating records and talking rivalries. This is supposed to be a Len post but he sucks. Still love him and the CRABs!

NFL
CRAB Team: St. Louis Rams
Mad Team: KC Cheifs
F.A.G Team: Minnesota Vikings

NBA
CRAB Team: Dallas Mavericks
Mad Team: Chicago Bulls
F.A.G Team: Los Angeles Lakers

NHL
CRAB Team: Minnesota Wild
Mad Team: New Jersey Devils
F.A.G Team: New York Rangers

Collegiate
CRAB Team: Mizzou
Mad Team: Georgia
F.A.G Team: Texas Christian University (TCU)

NASCAR
CRABs: Dale Earnhardt Jr. (RIP Dale)

PGA
CRABs: Bubba Watson

Futbol Clubs
CRAB Team: U.S.A (International), Chelsea
Mad Team: Turkey (International), Bayern Munich
F.A.G Team: Sweden (International), Barcelona

MLB?
CRAB Team: Just Cole Hamels (Not the Phillies, its wherever Cole Hamels goes. Don't question us. Cole Hamels is a boss because he purposely hit Bryce Harper and then said he did it on purpose. Get Sum)
Mad Team: St. Louis Cardinals
F.A.G Team: Arizona Diamondbacks

Let us know what you think. It's great that Nash signed with the Lake-show. It's been real.

PACE!

-J.G.

Night Write After The Amazing Spider-Man: Define BEST...

If someone asks you, “What is the BEST movie ever made?”, does that question infer that you entail a personal opinion, an allusion to your favorite movie or does it in fact question the subject’s opinion as to what movie has all the right stuff that would empower the film to be considered the BEST by previously established standards? 

          I, personally, would take the latter route to answering the question because if the person had wanted to know my favorite film he/she would have been better suited being more direct by simply specifying they were inquiring about my personal favorite film.  No, to ask, “What is the BEST movie ever made?”, the questioner is implying the need for careful consideration of all film pieces that have ever been created.  In doing so one will pick up certain themes, motifs, and characteristics that have made films memorable (basically what set them apart from the films created during their time period, what made them stand out), successful, and in some cases pushed the artistic creation into the rarely treaded territory of transcendence.  To meet the questioner’s desire, we must find one film that embodies the very idea of film.  A film that has utilized all materials available within said medium to effectively accomplish the goals they set out for.  A film that forced the hand of progression by pushing the boundaries of the medium to its breaking point.  The film opens doors for those who follow because the film explored new ways of encompassing feeling within a fake portrayal of human life or ideas sprouting from the human imagination.  The film, being a moving picture, captures a scene but unlike just a picture it has the most difficult task (in most cases) of supplying dialogue that must sell the realness attached to what the viewers see.  If I asked, “What painting, sketch, or piece of music is the BEST ever made?” one must take into account the time period it was made in, the limitations associated with that time period, and if and how the work reflects historical events of the time and do they do it effectively.  BEST can be defined as the highest quality or standard or the most excellent type.  Because Art is about conveying feeling and fabricating feeling in its viewers it becomes both a subjective and aesthetic driven endeavor.  Art will forever adapt and change its intent to its surroundings as it is a product of human observation and imagination.  Though one would be better suited to accept the latter route in attempting answer the original question, it is a painstaking venture that involves research and the study of time periods and the Art of film.  It is impossible to entirely remove bias from study as it is a natural human tendency, we like what we like, however when inquiring as to the BEST film ever made we look to the established standards previously set by knowledgeable people on the topic. In doing so, we place our trust in a checks and balances type of system that is intended to adapt to the Art of the future while keeping intact the main established ideas believed to hold the standards of greatness. 

          I have brought you into an argument that can in fact not be won; no one can solemnly state what the BEST film ever made is without evoking a fiery rebuttal from millions.  However, standards need to be established so that Art can react, adapt, and force change.  Forcing people to create within the confines of established standards unintentionally breeds destructive characters.  Like forest fires, destructive characters are necessary to rid us of an existence that is decayed and smothered by the multitude of minds obscured by conventional acceptance and in the destruction set the stage for new growth.  Art movements often go unnoticed when looked at within the vastness of human history, but progression in human expression owes a great deal of thanks to the numerous destructive characters that forced change by challenge the banality of mainstream acceptance.

          Moral of the rant, The Amazing Spider-Man was CRAB-rific, but fell short of the CRAB-tastic.  Experience it for yourself and form your own opinions.  Upon opening Rotten Tomatoes has certified it fresh with a 74% overall rating and and audience rating of 84% so far. 

Have a Crabby Day ya’ll and remember to use the term BEST with caution,

-DiCrabrio

Lightning bolt at the tip of my...Hash

People of the World of CRAB (and all you rock-lobsters who would be the death of me if I wasn't so awesome/madd) it is I Crab Pitt seemingly back from the watery grave of Davey Jones Locker with an angry idea that probably won't spark your interest at all. -_- The back drop goes as follows. There are few times when the Crabs are not in constant communication and a Crabs communication cannot just be a simple plain sentence in a text(It can be hard to tell if Len is really madd). In order to fully understand what another Crab was saying without being there in person (hrrm Crabson?) thier needed to be a sort of explanation point at the end of each sentence. However a simple ! would not suffice. Alas! J.G and DiCrabs came up with a funny awesome plan. Why not put hashtags at the end of every text so that the Crab on the other end of the text would truly understand what his fellow Crab was really feeling. Brilliant I say!! -_- So coming soon to the Crab Blog will be a page full of our top hashtags to give you all a glimpse at the type of communication a Crab goes through.

Stay Crabby my friends,

Pitt





Parkour: Solo Run

J.G. Speaking,
This past semester at Hogwarts, I decided to take matters of parkour into my own hands. You see, DiCrabs was always busy studying in the library (most likely snatching books from the restricted section) and I never really associated myself with the MAD team because Len and Pitt were rather snotty to me (probably just jealous of my quidditch skills). So, some nights Nearly Headless Nick would accompany me to the rooftops where I would handle nail some ledges on my own. I hit quite a few gaps; the most notable was my double-touch ankle grab between two buildings. I also hit an eagle wing wrist twist, a long-air tuck, and of course a triple dip dudeson dive. Had to avoid the hoppity hop folks, another effort will be made once DiCrabs and I get the chance.







God Speed Spiderman...PACE!

-J.G.

A Mess of Party Fouls

CRABnation!
Its great to be back with a handful of party fouls, one for each of the CRABs. We know you look forward to seeing us suffer through a Sharps Miller (Non-Alcoholic beverage) as payment for our ignorant and foolish mistakes. Here they are folks, Party fouls.

Len Crabitz- Ultimate Frisbee with Tim

This is why Len is a despicable human being. Not only does he have the nerve to play with Tim, but he has the audacity to call me up and tell me he just played with Jon, Tim's superior twin brother instead. Little did Len know he was actually sharing a field with Tim, breathing the same air and running on the same mud. This party foul is really for confusing Tim and Jon, but even if he didn't do that, it would be a party foul just for putting himself in place to sweat near Tim. Drink up, Lenny.

Pitt- The Status

Now Pitt's had problems with social networking before (see premature FB party foul), but none like this. Pitt actually set "are you going to finish the race with me babe?" on facebook as his status. Due to the circumstances we needn't to elaborate more, however, here is a sample of what Crab would post.


Suffer through that Sharps Pitt.

J.G- The forbidden sentence

This is something I will regret all of my life. I can't believe these words came out of my mouth, but somehow they escaped. "I like Adam better than Michael". That's it. Thats like saying you like the blue power ranger better than the red one. I'm drinking my Sharps warm. Thanks

DiCrabs- No show to Chinese/Lotto

This one is an old stand-by, the CRAB ditch. Now I'll give the guy a little credit because he's busy, but being a no-show to chinese-lotto is a no-go for a CRAB. Granted this party foul the instant we got word that he couldn't make it. Not the most exciting party foul, but deserving nonetheless.


Sharps a million for Len, enjoy your CRABpendance days everyone. Pictures coming soon.

PACE

-J.G.

J.G. Engaged?

Hey all,
Gettin married to ma wife...yep...not true. Just felt like I had to renew the love for Emma as well as post today. Have a CRABby day folks. Remember to send your hate mail to the Mad Team. Also enjoy this hash-tag. #marksDadsDad. Thanks, and sorry if this is the worst post you've ever read.












PACE

With Claws,

J.G.

What 2 Watch 4... NFL 2012-13

As all of you know, the CRABs are extremely high on the NFL. Unlike other professional sports, the NFL has more turnover than any other sport. For example, before every NBA, MLB, and NHL season you are pretty much able to pick who the top four teams will be. This makes the season less interesting for fans whose teams may not be in that top four grouping. The NFL however usually consists of about a 50% playoff turnover ratio making every NFL game fun and watchable. This year I have come out with a prediction of who will be improved and who will fall off.

On the Rise:

Carolina Panthers- The Panthers are starting to become a bandwagon type of team. Cam Newton is crabsolutely awesome because he can both throw and run like nobody else in the league. (If people want to say Michael Vick is comparable they should jump off a bridge). The Saints are going through all kinds of difficulties off the field which could translate to on the field issues. The Falcons have a strong wide receiver core with Roddy White and Julio Jones, but lack consistency from their running game and defense. The Buccaneers have made strides in acquiring WR Vincent Jackson to help out Josh Freeman in the passing game and have a new offensive scheme with Greg Schiano at the helm. However, they are still one of the youngest teams in the league and lack discipline, overall talent, and leadership. With this said the Panthers could make a good run at winning the division. They have a new and upcoming quarterback, a great running back tandem, and a defense that can only get better. Len's Prediction 10-6

Kansas City Chiefs- Everyone is talking about the Denver Broncos and quarterback Peyton Manning. The Broncos still lack weapons at WR and are iffy at the running back position. Kansas City has RB Jamaal Charles coming back from injury, a new defensive minded coach, S Eric Berry coming back, and a healthy Matt Cassel. If they can get good play from Cassel, they can win that division and could possibly be a surprise come playoff time. Len's Prediction 11-5

Chicago Bears- The Bears started off extremely well last year. Matt Forte had a breakout year both running and catching the ball out of the backfield. In my opinion, the Bears made the biggest off-season acquisition by picking up WR Brandon Marshall who played with QB Jay Cutler in Denver. The Packers are still the Packers, but the Bears could make the division race much closer than years prior. Len's Prediction 11-5

On the Fall:

New York Giants- The Giants are coming off another impressive Super Bowl victory. The problem is that the Eagles, Cowboys, and Redskins all promise to be better than last year. The Giants will still have a talented team, but the division and difficult schedule will beat them up tremendously. Len's Prediction 8-8

Pittsburgh Steelers- It seems as though the Steelers are good every year. They are always beat up, yet still manage to put it together to make a strong run into the playoffs. For years they have relied on their defense and the Ben Roethlisberger in the clutch to pull them through close games. The problem I see with the Steelers is the age of their team. Their defense is now lacking talent and are aging tremendously. The Steelers won't be bad, but could actually slip out of the playoffs. Len's Prediction 9-7

New York Jets- Everybody is looking forward to seeing the Jets play this year. Most people cannot stand the looks of Rex Ryan or his coaching style. On the otherhand, Tim Tebow may be the most likeable player perhaps in NFL history. People are rooting for Tebow to start and to change the culture of the Jets. I don't see it happening. In fact, I see the Jets completely collapsing this year and the firing of Rex Ryan. Len's Prediction 5-11

CRABs Casted

J.G. here,

The CRABs have somewhat of a tradition nowadays, tis the art of casting one another in films, shows, sports teams, and even commercials at times. The CRABs collectively brainstorm and fit one another into the roles to our best ability. We are rarely wrong. Here are some of the castings followed by some of our favorite roles.

Ninja Turtles-

DiCrabs- Donatello

Crab Pitt- Raph

Len- Leonardo

J.G.- Mikey

Favorite Roles:

DiCrabrio- Gandalf, Professor X (X-men First Class), Harry Potter

All roles suit a wise DiCrabrio and each of those characters proves their raw power and might.

Honorable Mentions: OKC Thunder: Kendrick Perkins (Perk), Rapper Bubba Sparxx

Crab Pitt- Aragorn, D'Artanian, Batman(Begins/Dark Knight)

He's mad pretty much all of the time, but occasionally he admits that he also thinks he sucks, hence the D'Artanian role originally played by ya boy ton', Chris O'Donnell. He likes to be rugged too though, hence the unanimous decision by the CRABs to cast him as Aragorn.

Honorable Mentions: Bulbasaur (Pokemon Franchise) , Huntsman (Snow White and the Huntsman)

Len Crabitz- Prince William (Snow White and the Huntsman), Will Turner (Pirates), Keifer Sutherland as Athos (Three Muskateers)

Len really sucks.

And whats even worse is the fact that he wants to be these characters. All of them are awful hence Len's casting to play them. Nothing else really needs to be said, just enjoy.

Honorable Mentions: Carlson (Blue Streak), Yoshi (Nintendo), Asian Banker that's good with calculations (Dark Knight), Bidoof (Pokemon Franchise)

Len's a failure.

J.G.-Captain Jack Sparrow, Finn (The Brother of the Ravenna in "Snow White and the Huntsman), Ron Weasley

Yes, it was difficult for me to narrow it down to these three, but I feel like honor of being Jack Sparrow and the insult of being Finn were the things that affected my life the most. I'm the oddest of the CRABs, and the least hung (bad taste? too soon?), so both Jack and Finn make perfect sense. Ron Weasley is just great because I end up with Hermoine. Great Job.

Honorable Mentions: Joker, Tulley (BlueStreak), Smeagol

If anybody has suggestions, or one of my fellow CRABs wants to object to this post, please respond below.

PACE!

-J.G.

On the Move: Hugh Crabman

Farewell Hugh, it was fun.

The Hugh Crabman

experiment, though short lived, was fun and necessary. Though the people voted to change the name, I decided not too because I'm a CRAB and I do whatever the heck I want. Thanks to the fans for voting, but looking back on old posts with my teammate helped me realize that there is just too much history with J.G. The fact that DiCrabs and I did the film "Inception" together and also bonded on the set of "Django Unchanged" gave great reminder to all of the CRABs that unity is the foundation of our club. The book of CRAB is on the way gents, and J.G. will be returning strongly. Maybe we'll see Hugh in the future, but its doubtful.

J.G. staying Crabby-

Crabitt

Honorary CRAB: Billy Crystal

Without further ado,

It is of greatest honor that the CRABs present to you the second honorary CRAB: Billy Crystal. This has been a long time coming as all of you know, for Bill has had CRAB swag since it was a thing. Countless enjoyable films without a single flaw, a man's beard that trumps even Abe Lincoln's, and a boyish charm that captivates the heart's of women. What does it mean to be an honorary CRAB? It means that you have acquired the highest honor known to man. A pedestal unreachable, even by the Birdman Chris Anderson. Billy crystal could tame MJY or MJD. He could find Dave's teeth in the bottom of the deepest ocean, teach a bulbasaur flamethrower, drown a fish, even clog a toilet with urine. This is why sir Billy Crystal is the second honorary CRAB. I have grown in wisdom since watching "When Harry Met Sally", I've danced to "Monsters Inc." and I've laughed to "Throw Mama from the Train." What can't this guy do? Lose. And that's about it. Welcome, Bill Crystal.

Note: The CRABs apologize for the long absence and promise to be there for our fans.

-J.G

Tim English

"I am going to watch the Seinfeld episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm."  

The CORE MEANING of the word of: a preposition introducing a noun or noun phrase that provides more information about a preceding word or phrase, usually, but not always, also a noun.

TIM: It makes sense either way.  The structure makes sense.  I mean, if I said this with different words to anyone else they would know what I mean.  Both things have to be true though.

Facts: Seinfeld has never had an episode featuring characters or about the show Curb Your Enthusiasm, because that is literally impossible.

Example used to prove that Tim is an idiot: Going back to the definition of the word of it introduces a noun or phrase that provides more information about the preceding word.  TIM! Does Curb Your Enthusiasm provide additional information about the preceding word (Seinfeld)?

ANSWER: NO!

Previous argument: The Seinfeld episode of The Couch. 

In this case The Couch offers additional information about the Seinfeld episode; that being the title. However, this really has nothing to do with the argument and actually removing the word of would make more sense. 

TIM repeats his argument that no matter what we say he feels that he is correct and that his use of the preposition of is understandable by all “Americans.”  But TIM is entirely wrong, though  some may correctly understand his meaning when he speaks, my argument remains the same.  That is that unless the noun or phrase that follows of provides information about the preceding word the sentence in itself is wrong and hereby deemed unable to understand if following the guidelines set by the English language. Hah! 

Public Party Foul: Tim Thomas Drink Up, got a Sharp's Miller right here for ya..

Introducing: Hugh Crabman

Friends of the CRABs,

I bring news to you after a long dry spell. I ask that you hear my words and consider what I am putting to a vote. I, J.G. Crabitt, am strongly considering the permanent name change to Hugh Crabman. With 100% of the CRAB vote, I made the life altering decision to alter my name to a more flowing, recognizable, and identifiable name. However, because it is such a big decision, and because I have been known as J.G. for over a year, I have had cold feet. I am asking you, the CRAB Nation, to vote on this name change. I want your thoughts and I want the support of the people before I begin my new life.

With Sharps,

Hugh Crabman
J.G. Crabbit

The New Me?