The Dwight Howard Sweepstakes

As the NBA offseason continues, all eyes have turned to what will happen to Dwight Howard, arguably the best center in the NBA. The all-star center has recently made it known that he wants to get out of Orlando, and wants to be traded to the Brooklyn Nets. The Nets seem like a great place to Howard to go, but the problem is that they have recently just signed PG Deron Williams and SG Joe Johnson. They also already have talent at the center position with Brook Lopez. Dwight Howard could get dealt to any other city, but has made it clear that he will not sign a long term extension unless it is with Brooklyn. This makes things extremely difficult and stressful for management of Orlando. They know that Howard wants nothing to do with their city and franchise and has begged to get traded. Also, it is difficult to get anyone to trade with them because other teams know that Dwight Howard is going to divorce them for a year and try to sign with Brooklyn as a free agent. This makes the only decision possible for the Magic execs. is to work out a deal with the Nets that would likely send Howard to them for Brook Lopez, a bunch of scrubs, and multiple first round picks. Although this is not ideal for the Magic, they will likely to get forced into doing a trade that does not give them as much talent as Dwight Howard is worth.

This all makes me furious because I hate to see whiners get what they want (Dwight Howard.) Howard has cried about how much he hates Orlando when the Magic organization has done everything for him. They put talent around him and gave him a great coach in Stan Van Gundy. In return, Howard has gotten general manager Otis Smith fired as well as head coach Stan Van Gundy. Also, he looks like he will probably get what he wants and get traded to the Nets. Because of all of this, Howard has gone from a lovable character who people knew as "Superman" to one of the most disliked players in the NBA. People always talk about how NBA players are thugs and are greedy. This is why these players get these stereotypes. They whine about how everything is terrible for them when in reality they live in a beautiful city, on a winning team, with great fans, making tons of money. Dwight Howard needs to stop trying to be CRABBY and grow up.

Crabbiest CRAB

Len

Overrated/Underrated Bear edition

As many viewers know, the CRABs are very opinionated to who they believe is over and underrated. In this segment, I will talk about the category of "bears" and how they pertain to the overrated and underrated theme.

Overrated

Polar Bears- Polar bears are extremely overrated. As many of us know, they are throwing off things big time when it comes for drilling for oil. I am sick of people telling me how cute and lovable they are. Polar bears walk funny, can't talk, and are just dumb in general. (also beg for recycling to be done during natural disasters) #shout-out

Yogi Bear- Although J.G. will never agree with me on this subject, Yogi Bear is extremely overrated. J.G. claims that this character is funny because he is always going around stealing those picnic baskets. Well let me ask you something... "How would you like it if you learned Yogi Bear stole your food?" Exactly, you would be extremely angry and probably throw a temper tantrum. Yogi Bear is the worst... hate his guts.

Bear Claws- Not bear claws as in the animals' hands, but as the sweet breakfast food that usually contains things such as almonds, nuts, raisons, etc. Many people go around raving about how great this food is. Not at all.... sooo bad... almonds are terrible and so are nuts. These things do not look like bear claws whatsoever. Need some hair and nails on them. #whaddup #badjoke #thisiswhyimonthemadteam

Underrated

Chicago Bears- This NFL team has been around ever since I can remember. Although I am a die hard Lions fan (kinda) the Bears have added new pieces for this upcoming year that make them a contender. People like to forget how well they started off last year, before losing QB Jay Cutler for the year. The Bears are not getting enough love. Watch for them to do better than expected.

Pooh Bear- You are probably looking at this and saying "How is Pooh Bear underrated when everyone likes him?". I just want to say that people love Pooh bear for the wrong reasons. They like him because he is a fun and loving character who makes children laugh. On the contrary people need to learn the real reasons behind loving Pooh. Pooh bear as a huge beer gut, that he says is because of "honey". Yea right Pooh, like people believe that you just eat honey without anything to throw it down with. Cheers Pooh keep lying to the kids. #swag

Grizz-look alikes- Every summer the CRABs go do to the beach where we like to shred. During this time you will find all different types of people. You will see your babes, old men and women, middle aged people and their familes, and of course the GRIZZ men. These guys consist of having disgusting hair which is all over their chests and backs. I know, I know, many of you are saying that this is the worst opinion ever. "How are these fat greaseballs crabtasticly underrated?" Without these men you can't look to the person next to you and point and laugh and talk about how happy you are that you do not have that problem. These guys make for great conversation and therefore are placed easily in the underrated category.


In need of a CRABnation invasion

Len

Pizza Dudes

J.G. here again with some great news.







This has been added to the side of the page.

PACE!

-J.G.

Public Party Foul: South Jersey

G'day all, J.G. here...as usual,

The CRABs and I have been in southern New Jersey for some time ((which absolutely trumps north Jersey, I thangk you. (actually South Jersey should succeed from Jersey in general because south jersey doesn't suck but the state as a whole is running for worst in the nation with the likes of Massachusetts and Pennsylvania)) and we have deemed it party foul worthy that the wreckage from last weeks storm still hasn't been taken care of. People have been out of work, roads have been closed, people have been without TV,(how are they supposed to watch Cory in the house?) and teeth cannot be found. I'm pretty sure that when Hurricane Stamos passed through last year, the clean-up was quick and easy. We lost some valuable lives (E-40, Bam-Bam Flinstone, Scrappy Doo) but had key players like Mighty Joe Young and Babas Maw (see below) step up and do some top-tier cleaning. No excuse south jersey...being kinda lazy. Enjoy that sharps SJ...such a hufflepuff move.



PACE!

-J.G.

CRABs' Sports Team's: A Draft

Evening CRAB people...J.G. Here,

The CRABs have collectively decided that now is the time to choose our sports teams. Ya know, during the summer when no important sports are happening. Baseball? Baseball you say? HMPH. Not a sport. So the F.A.G Team chose their teams, and the Mad team chose their teams, and of course we chose our CRAB teams. Check them out, throughout the seasons we'll be updating records and talking rivalries. This is supposed to be a Len post but he sucks. Still love him and the CRABs!

NFL
CRAB Team: St. Louis Rams
Mad Team: KC Cheifs
F.A.G Team: Minnesota Vikings

NBA
CRAB Team: Dallas Mavericks
Mad Team: Chicago Bulls
F.A.G Team: Los Angeles Lakers

NHL
CRAB Team: Minnesota Wild
Mad Team: New Jersey Devils
F.A.G Team: New York Rangers

Collegiate
CRAB Team: Mizzou
Mad Team: Georgia
F.A.G Team: Texas Christian University (TCU)

NASCAR
CRABs: Dale Earnhardt Jr. (RIP Dale)

PGA
CRABs: Bubba Watson

Futbol Clubs
CRAB Team: U.S.A (International), Chelsea
Mad Team: Turkey (International), Bayern Munich
F.A.G Team: Sweden (International), Barcelona

MLB?
CRAB Team: Just Cole Hamels (Not the Phillies, its wherever Cole Hamels goes. Don't question us. Cole Hamels is a boss because he purposely hit Bryce Harper and then said he did it on purpose. Get Sum)
Mad Team: St. Louis Cardinals
F.A.G Team: Arizona Diamondbacks

Let us know what you think. It's great that Nash signed with the Lake-show. It's been real.

PACE!

-J.G.

Night Write After The Amazing Spider-Man: Define BEST...

If someone asks you, “What is the BEST movie ever made?”, does that question infer that you entail a personal opinion, an allusion to your favorite movie or does it in fact question the subject’s opinion as to what movie has all the right stuff that would empower the film to be considered the BEST by previously established standards? 

          I, personally, would take the latter route to answering the question because if the person had wanted to know my favorite film he/she would have been better suited being more direct by simply specifying they were inquiring about my personal favorite film.  No, to ask, “What is the BEST movie ever made?”, the questioner is implying the need for careful consideration of all film pieces that have ever been created.  In doing so one will pick up certain themes, motifs, and characteristics that have made films memorable (basically what set them apart from the films created during their time period, what made them stand out), successful, and in some cases pushed the artistic creation into the rarely treaded territory of transcendence.  To meet the questioner’s desire, we must find one film that embodies the very idea of film.  A film that has utilized all materials available within said medium to effectively accomplish the goals they set out for.  A film that forced the hand of progression by pushing the boundaries of the medium to its breaking point.  The film opens doors for those who follow because the film explored new ways of encompassing feeling within a fake portrayal of human life or ideas sprouting from the human imagination.  The film, being a moving picture, captures a scene but unlike just a picture it has the most difficult task (in most cases) of supplying dialogue that must sell the realness attached to what the viewers see.  If I asked, “What painting, sketch, or piece of music is the BEST ever made?” one must take into account the time period it was made in, the limitations associated with that time period, and if and how the work reflects historical events of the time and do they do it effectively.  BEST can be defined as the highest quality or standard or the most excellent type.  Because Art is about conveying feeling and fabricating feeling in its viewers it becomes both a subjective and aesthetic driven endeavor.  Art will forever adapt and change its intent to its surroundings as it is a product of human observation and imagination.  Though one would be better suited to accept the latter route in attempting answer the original question, it is a painstaking venture that involves research and the study of time periods and the Art of film.  It is impossible to entirely remove bias from study as it is a natural human tendency, we like what we like, however when inquiring as to the BEST film ever made we look to the established standards previously set by knowledgeable people on the topic. In doing so, we place our trust in a checks and balances type of system that is intended to adapt to the Art of the future while keeping intact the main established ideas believed to hold the standards of greatness. 

          I have brought you into an argument that can in fact not be won; no one can solemnly state what the BEST film ever made is without evoking a fiery rebuttal from millions.  However, standards need to be established so that Art can react, adapt, and force change.  Forcing people to create within the confines of established standards unintentionally breeds destructive characters.  Like forest fires, destructive characters are necessary to rid us of an existence that is decayed and smothered by the multitude of minds obscured by conventional acceptance and in the destruction set the stage for new growth.  Art movements often go unnoticed when looked at within the vastness of human history, but progression in human expression owes a great deal of thanks to the numerous destructive characters that forced change by challenge the banality of mainstream acceptance.

          Moral of the rant, The Amazing Spider-Man was CRAB-rific, but fell short of the CRAB-tastic.  Experience it for yourself and form your own opinions.  Upon opening Rotten Tomatoes has certified it fresh with a 74% overall rating and and audience rating of 84% so far. 

Have a Crabby Day ya’ll and remember to use the term BEST with caution,

-DiCrabrio

Lightning bolt at the tip of my...Hash

People of the World of CRAB (and all you rock-lobsters who would be the death of me if I wasn't so awesome/madd) it is I Crab Pitt seemingly back from the watery grave of Davey Jones Locker with an angry idea that probably won't spark your interest at all. -_- The back drop goes as follows. There are few times when the Crabs are not in constant communication and a Crabs communication cannot just be a simple plain sentence in a text(It can be hard to tell if Len is really madd). In order to fully understand what another Crab was saying without being there in person (hrrm Crabson?) thier needed to be a sort of explanation point at the end of each sentence. However a simple ! would not suffice. Alas! J.G and DiCrabs came up with a funny awesome plan. Why not put hashtags at the end of every text so that the Crab on the other end of the text would truly understand what his fellow Crab was really feeling. Brilliant I say!! -_- So coming soon to the Crab Blog will be a page full of our top hashtags to give you all a glimpse at the type of communication a Crab goes through.

Stay Crabby my friends,

Pitt





Parkour: Solo Run

J.G. Speaking,
This past semester at Hogwarts, I decided to take matters of parkour into my own hands. You see, DiCrabs was always busy studying in the library (most likely snatching books from the restricted section) and I never really associated myself with the MAD team because Len and Pitt were rather snotty to me (probably just jealous of my quidditch skills). So, some nights Nearly Headless Nick would accompany me to the rooftops where I would handle nail some ledges on my own. I hit quite a few gaps; the most notable was my double-touch ankle grab between two buildings. I also hit an eagle wing wrist twist, a long-air tuck, and of course a triple dip dudeson dive. Had to avoid the hoppity hop folks, another effort will be made once DiCrabs and I get the chance.







God Speed Spiderman...PACE!

-J.G.