Johnny Appleseed Dead at 54

Last night one of the most well known men of this era was found dead at the age of 54. John Oliver Appleseed was found facedown in his Las Angeles apartment. As many of you know, Johnny Appleseed's maiden name was John Appleweed. Growing up, Appleweed was abused by his parents Chuckie and Gretta. This forced him into an early addiction of drugs and alcohol. Getting involved with drugs made Johnny want to experiment and create new drugs and concoctions. Thus marijuana, or "weed" was born. Many parents these days who enjoyed the invention, have twisted the story of Johnny Appleseed. Parents claim he is a nice, warm, boy who loves apples instead of a drugged man who was selfish and disobedient towards his parents. With Johnny Appleseed deceased, many have emailed me asking what the cause of death was. Most believe that Appleseed died from a drug overdose. Whatever the true cause, we can be certain that Johnny Appleseed will be remember. Appleseed leaves behind a wife, Joan, a dog and a cat. His funeral will be held at grandma's house.

Why I Hate Philadelphia Sports

Hello CRAB-people (and idiots)

Here I would like to explain my hate for the city of Philadelphia and its fans. First let me ask you this before you hate on me for hatin, have you ever spent any amount of time around a Philly fan whilst discussing sports? Think about it. Maybe you got lucky and talked to a Philly fan from a different part of the country, or a Christian Philly fan or something, so he/she wasn't too obnoxious. But if you are like myself, Crabitz, and sometimes DiCrabrio, you have spent enough time around Philly fans to despise them. Here's how it works...

They hate every team that isn't the Eagles, Phillies, Flyers, or 76ers. I have been told "Jets suck" by countless amounts of foolish philly swine. ...Why? We play the eagles in the preseason and maybe in the reg season once every four years. Grow up. Stop hating on my team, hate the Giants they are in your division...keep to your weak NFC. They also say "Yankees suck!" which I understand because everyone hates historically great teams. I would hate the Yankees if I wasn't an NY fan. So that I get, but still, grow up, Yanks and Phils are NOT rivals.

60% of Phillies fans or more are complete bandwagoners. You know its bad when women voice their opinions strongly...with beer...about sports they know nothing about. I've recently heard a woman pronounce "Hunter Pence" wrong. Goodone... "whos this new guy? Pencee? He's good!"- moron.

They hate their teams but back them up no matter. Makes sense right? Here's a good one "Eagles are the team to beat this year! Just need a quarterback! Get rid of McNabb!!!" and the ever so common "Get rid of Andy Reid! Thats why the Eagles can't win!"

Andy Reid is the sole reason the Eagles have ever been half successful. You can cry about Buddy Ryan all you want people, he never won you a single playoff game. And D-Nabb put up some fantastic stats. Sure, he blarfed everywhere one game, and yea, he underthrew receivers a bit. But he was good.
I also was a fan of "nah Kolb is our starter forget that dog-killer I won't root for the Eagles if he's our QB". Two weeks later it was "Vick top 10 of all time?!" I'm serious, I heard that from a guy. He was dead serious .

Alright well now you know some of my reasons for being on strike against Philly. Also think Rocky is an idiot, still like the movies, but he's pretty dumb. Its a shame that I have to hate Philly, so many of my closest friends are Philly fans. I love when they attack NY. We are rivals with Boston, not Philly. Get your facts straight and go continue the rivalry you have against yourselves...loving and hating your teams with all your heart. Hopefully a fellow CRAB can also explain the different generations of Philadelphia fans, because the old school and new school fans are different.

Don't take this personally Philly, it only applies to 3/4 of you philly fans that read this (if you can read it). Peace out, Go NY. BTW everyone should order the jersey pictured above. PACE.- J.G.

A Second Hurricane to hit the East Coast?

As many of you know, Hurricane Irene just passed through the northeast region smashing through the states of North Carolina all the way up to Maine. Thankfully, this storm was not catastrophic as many people predicted. That being said, another hurricane has started to develop in the Bahamas and again is threatening the east coast. The storm appears to look normal with winds gusting around 100 mph, and heavy rain. It promises to give flooding, petrifying many residents who have just moved back into their homes. Now, as many folks know many of these hurricanes have names, but this one did not. This had scientists baffled, wondering how such a large hurricane had never been given a name at its birth. After looking hard at the hurricanes movement patterns and disturbing image, the researchers came up with the name "John Stamos". With this information we all need to board up our homes, gather our families, and think about our dads. Stay safe and dry people of the east coast- Len

Film Review: Memento

First and foremost, I would like to again apologize for the major slackage on the site. Us CRABs have been very busy on various endeavors and being the entrepreneurs we are we had to attend to certain important issues. That being said, I recently made a new friend in the film industry and he suggested that we watch his favorite movie, "Memento". I had never heard of it; but apparently it is well known and loved (so my friend says). I think he told me before I watched it but I guess I forgot, but I was pleased to read in the opening credits that it was a Christopher Nolan film. I knew right then I was going to like it; but not as much as I actually did. I was a little taken back when he showed me the trailer. The trailer wasn't all that well done and the film appeared to be very low budget. Anyway, the film is like inception and 50 first dates fused; a complete mind stimulation takes place as you watch it, with the same premise as 50 first dates (short term memory loss). Guy Pearce, the lead, does a fantastic job. Now being the guy I am and loving movies as much as I do I was surprised that I had never previously know this Pearce guy (see what I did there?). He was very convincing and quite fabulous, really. Anyway, so the movie is a series of flashbacks mashed up with somewhat present thoughts. I won't explain the movie because I don't want to take anything away from it, I'll just say it was great.
The only complaint I have about the film is that you really can't grasp the whole thing in just one viewing. I had to ask my friend about some of the loose ends, and its sort of like inception in the way that Lenny (Pearce) consistently fools the audience (in inception you sometimes had to wonder what was a dream and what wasn't). Also, the movie reminds me of the novel "one flew over the cuckoo's nest" because you really question if the protagonist is full of it or not. Just watch the movie.

PLOT: 9.5
ACTING: 8.75
SHOTS: 7.5
REPLY VALUE : HIGH
OVERALL RATING (J.G. ONLY, CRAB Rating TBD): 8.75