Showing posts with label fiddler crabs. Show all posts
Showing posts with label fiddler crabs. Show all posts

Saturday, June 18, 2011

Casino CRABS

Earlier this very night, the CRABS + an extremely excitable Asian companion set off for this summer's second Casino trip. Partial to the Tropicana, where we found early success, we returned for round two. We left Atlantic City previously on a high-crab, because if I am to be honest AC was just not ready for a CRAB invasion.
Two in the front three in the back we pulled up in the Trop parking garage feeling great, as the CRABS snag a prime level 2 parking spot 10 yards from the elevator. Unfortunately Len Crabitz was emitting some seriously negative energy as we exited the vehicle. The bad vibes released clouds of doubt in all of our minds as we entered the elevator and made our way to the casino floor. J.G. Crabitt throwing out constant funny remarks lightened the mood, but the group energy was still lacking. It was at this time where Crabtain Barbossa attempted to fix the group energy levels by again mentioning the fact that he and the excitable Asian were wearing nearly the same shirt and that this of random occurrence was in itself lucky.  Superstitious behavior comes natural for CRABS; one can only imagine the amount superstitious behavior increases when thrown on a casino floor, where the difference between winning and losing is based solely on whether or  not Lady Luck thinks you're good enough for a poke.
Stepping on to the multi-colored casino floor we surveyed the landscape for a roulette table that not only suited our  needs, but could also house the the CRABS + the excitable Asian in their entirety.  We end up at the same table we experienced some luck at in our last Trop endeavor and order the necessary drinks (Sharps Miller Non-Alcholic Beer on the Rocks). Funny and Mad join forces at the table to birth a losing streak that was not profitable to any CRAB member.  Crabitz the first out, the Crabtain and myself get into a bit of a bind as our collection of chips began to dwindle. However, all luck changed as the excitable Asian threw down a couple bucks.  All of the sudden the gates of Goldblum opened and the man himself was waving at us knee deep in casino chips.  Four wins in a row betting on what we thought least likely to win, we thought we had found the secret, the excitable Asian and Goldblum had shown us the Crunk filled swimming pool of success. Crabtain Barbossa then decides to place his bet on 00 (double zeros), which the excitable Asian and myself do not follow due to the outrageous nature of the bet.  Well, the ball dropped in 00 and the CRABS went insane. He one a large chunk of change and being the only one who walked away a winner we turned to leave.
On our way out we run in to an attractive woman with a wheel, that only new members may spin. Seeing the wheel as a golden opportunity to win back some of the investment I had recently lost, I signed up along with my buddy Barbossa. Thinking my luck was bound to change, I watch Crabtain spin and score two free tickets to a show. I step up and give the wheel a little DiCrabrio touch; it spins a few and lands on 50 Free Slot Dollars.  Ecstatic I run over to the slots to make some free money, but unfortunately slot machines are the worst invention of all time. My free slot money was gone in mere minutes and the machine did not even attempt to get my hopes up. Dejected and slightly perturbed I left the casino, but extremely happy for my fellow CRAB.  Congratulations on a big win Crabtain Barbossa!
-Atlantic City, consider this a warning; the CRABS will be back.  And way they do be ready to pay up big, for there is no way we are walking out empty handed.

Have a Crabby Day my fellow air-breathers.

L. DiCrabrio$$$                              

Friday, June 10, 2011

Wade Phillips Dazzles



Over the years, I have watched both NFL and NBA coaches continually fail at their jobs. These coaches have done absolutely nothing for their organizations besides flat out suck. A couple of these coaches include Kevin McHale, Rick Adelman, Norv Turner, and of course Wade Phillips. Being a huge fan of sports in general it deeply pains me to see these lousy bums continually get hired over uprising assistants and young college coaches. Organizations talk about how these coaches are experienced veterans who have proven to be able to deal with the egos of athletes and will bring strong discipline to the table. However, none of these coaches have done anything good for their leagues. They all get paid huge salaries to hurt their organizations. For example, look at the work done by both Norv Turner and Wade Phillips. After a 14-2 season for the San Diego Chargers, Norv Turner replaced Marty Schottenheimer as head coach. The following year was supposed to be a super bowl season, but instead they barely reached the playoffs with an 11-5 record. On the other side of the coin we have Wade Phillips. Phillips was hired because he was laid back and could deal with Jerry Jones's controlling personality, as well as bringing "experience and leadership". The Dallas Cowboys are a first class organization. They have won 5 championships and are always expected to make long playoff runs. Thankfully, the cowboys have made a change and fired Phillips after a four year tenure. Now the ex-coach can be seen dancing in Hawaii with the fiddler crabs. SOOOO MAD.