Public Party Foul: South Jersey

G'day all, J.G. here...as usual,

The CRABs and I have been in southern New Jersey for some time ((which absolutely trumps north Jersey, I thangk you. (actually South Jersey should succeed from Jersey in general because south jersey doesn't suck but the state as a whole is running for worst in the nation with the likes of Massachusetts and Pennsylvania)) and we have deemed it party foul worthy that the wreckage from last weeks storm still hasn't been taken care of. People have been out of work, roads have been closed, people have been without TV,(how are they supposed to watch Cory in the house?) and teeth cannot be found. I'm pretty sure that when Hurricane Stamos passed through last year, the clean-up was quick and easy. We lost some valuable lives (E-40, Bam-Bam Flinstone, Scrappy Doo) but had key players like Mighty Joe Young and Babas Maw (see below) step up and do some top-tier cleaning. No excuse south jersey...being kinda lazy. Enjoy that sharps SJ...such a hufflepuff move.



PACE!

-J.G.

Burn the Houses Down!!!

I know that we have put many hours and blogs about the show "Cory in the House". As CRABS it is our sole duty to tell the public about bad influences such as Cory. But after really meditating on Cory and how much he has hurt television, I have learned that it isn't entirely his fault. I have done some research and have learned that television shows that have the word "house" automatically stink to high heavens. We can look at the show "House" which started off well, but has gradually gone downhill as the years go by. This is primarily because Gregory House now randomly has a giant limp and thinks he's tough. Sorry buddy most viewers just think you are a pup now. Nobody likes you. Secondly, we can look at the show "House of Payne". Do people seriously watch this show? No. People just want to know that there are people out there like Tyler Perry who are complete morons to make themselves feel better. The worst show of them all is "Full House". People seem to think that Full House is a warm, and funny show that is good to watch for all ages. But in reality, Full House makes kids stupid and ruins their creativity and sense of humor. Ever imagine what happens to a child's brain when they are forced to listen to Uncle Joey's horrible jokes? Or to watch Uncle Jesse pick up little girls when he already has a wife? Or worst of all, to watch Bob Saget act intelligent, warm, and sophisticated? If you said yes, you probably are brainwashed too. Sorry everybody but my kids won't be watching Uncle Joey, Bob Saget, House, or Tyler Perry. For once Cory, you don't take the blame for ruining everything. Great job. Anyway, stick to watching shows like Crabtain Planet and your kids might turn out a little crabbier than the rest of them. -Crabitz