Never Been More Mad...

This is disgusting. I have never been more angry in my life. A fond childhood memory of mine is watching the Stooges with my Dad and brothers. This may kill it. Don't see this movie. Goodland Snooki and the Situation are in it. Nothing else to say. If you watch the trailer and then take your own life I am not responsible for it. The title^ is a link to the imdb.com page. WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS?
PACE!
-J.G

False Prophet?

Rumors are swirling about a "reformed revivalist" that is sweeping across the midwest claiming to have received divine knowledge. Our very own analyst, Ralph Herms, reports that the "prophet", hence forth known as "Kenny G", has begun to influence many men and children alike to follow him in the greater Chicago area. Though some are calling it a "movement", many specialists are relating this Cult to the Cult of Cory that encompassed the entire globe just 2 years ago. Police are on standby and tensions are high in the windy city with fears of riots breaking out. Mayor Jack Chan called in helicopters to provide surveillance to the innocent towns people. Thus far the death count is 2 citizens, pictured here.

Here is just a brief summary of Kenny G's teachings through his own words:

"I have the light, and it comes from ma muzik"

"I was raised Catholic, but my father's people were Methodist, so we went to both churches"

"As a child my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it."

"Formula for success: rise early, work hard, strike oil."

"A nickel ain't worth a dime anymore."

"All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height"

The warrant is out for Kenny G's arrest, but his strongest supporters are fighting off police and taking the fall for Kenny G, resulting in a metropolitan bloodbath. More on this as it happens.

-J.G.

Tim and Eric's Billion Dollar Movie

Good Goldblum!
The theater release date of Tim and Eric's billion dollar movie has been announced as March 2, 2012. This is great job! news. We knew it was going to be sometime in 2012 but March is way sooner than I expected considering all news on this movie has been on the down-low. I have heard literally nothing about it apart from my own research. No trailer, few teasers, but a great cast list on imdb.com.Goldblum will be in it, John C. Reilly, Will Ferrell, Will Forte, and Zach Galifianakis. I know I'm pumped to be looking for my chippy as the movie goes along. Hopefully Cory won't come in and ruin the film for everybody, though this is very plausible. RIP Cory we hate you go die in a hole. Btw this movie was more expensive than Avatar.

New James Bond Movie: Skyfall

Sharing is caring. So I am the only CRAB that cares about the fans obviously because I am the only one that posts. -_- Anyway, so there is a new James Bond movie coming out with Daniel Craig reprising his inferior to Pierce Brosnan James Bond role. He is a great Bond don't get me wrong, but come'on; its Pierce Brosnan. This guy has kissed every woman's mouth ever. Moving on... Javier Bardem will be the bad guy which is absolutely great news. Ralph Fiennes is also in it (voldemort) so I wouldn't be surprised if we saw some spells. I don't feel like typing. Look it up on IMDB.com. Comes out next November. Should be a nice flick. PACE

New Shot of Bane

Here, ladies and Crabs, is a good shot of Tom Hardy's Bane in the Dark Knight Rises. I'm still unsure how I feel about it, looks pretty OK. Oh well, make your own calls. I don't think it will touch either of the first two; I just remember how excited I was at the end of the first one when commish said "he calls himself the Joker". Good land those were great times. Can't believe the Giants lost to the Eagles tonight...dang that sucks. PACE
J.G

Rumored: Jurassic Park IV

Obviously, anyone who even has half the IQ of a Boston fan likes the Jurassic Park franchise. Sure, the third one was kinda lame (no Goldblum? Fail.) and the second one wasn't as good as the first, but I think that was expected. With the new technology these days, a fourth installment could be visually amazing and a great film experience. Rumored on IMDB.com are Sam Neill and Jeff Goldblum reprising their roles as Doctors Grant and Malcolm. In my opinion, bringing these iconic characters back is a must. Throw in a half decent story line, new dinosaurs (including water creatures, please), and people getting eaten and you have a huge blockbuster hit. I know this movie has been rumored on and off for years, but apparently it is actually being worked on now. Spielberg announced at the 2011 comic con that they plan on releasing the film in the next 2-3 years. Also, I heard that the beautiful Keira Knightley was rumored to have a role. I don't know why they wouldn't make at least one more of these movies. Now would be a great time for a come back; and there are so many different directions you could take a film concerning dinosaurs. Cool Beans? Head over to IMDB.com for more information even though there isn't much.

The Book Of CRAB

To whom it may concern,
On the latest CRAB journey, Crab Pitt, Len Crabitz, Leonardo DiCrabrio, and Joseph Gordon Crabitt sailed across the forsaken seas to a forbidden land of death and plunder. Whilst slaying countless souls, Pitt, formerly the Crabtain, lay his eyes on the very bindings of CRAB history. What we set out for, we found. And we read. And we wrote. And now, we share with the world:

the ancient CRAB writings. This is not for the faint hearted. Many men had to die for this collection of "guidelines" and accounts to be brought forth to your eyes. Before we present to you the wonders in the work, we must finish copying over the original transcripts. We want to make sure every story, historical event, rule, period, comma, and drawing is accounted for and transported properly. As soon as we can reveal the information we will. Have a Crabby night, afternoon, and morning. PACE!
-J.G