J.G. Releases Baller Underground Rap

Good to be back guys,

It's my privilege to show you an underground rap my buddy "Big Shrim" and I recorded. The track is full of references to South Jerz, cartoons, and great beverages. Enjoy at your own discretion.

BIG SHRIM FEAT J.G. CRABITT (as Angry Man)- It's Just Balloons

PACE!

-J.G.

A Crabs Gotta Do

      Crab Nation! First let me start by making an announcement. Due to the lack of my interest in hashtags I have come to the decision that I am going to #scrapthat. My time would better be served elsewhere such as #releasingthebeast #dominatingtheworld or just plain #beingaCrab #whaddup. Enough of that. I want all of you to be ready for a big time Crab project that is scheduled to go down..now. We are currently working on a Crabsterpiece that is sure to knock any sign of lobster DNA that could be, because your weakness (full offense), trying to creep into your lives. Capiche? Stay tuned for updates as we start this Crabventure.

Stay Crabby My Friends,

Pitt

Fantasy Football Preview:

As the season presses ever closer everyone who counts’ favorite pastime NFL football is again at the forefront of male minds everywhere.  It’s getting close to time to start thinking about fantasy football and the schedules, strategies, and league planning.  The Draft rankings do not mean much at this point in the game as pre-season games may bring injury and unearth rising new stars, but here are top 36 as they stand presently on the NFL's Fantasy football website.

1. Arian Foster (RB) HOU
2. Aaron Rodgers (QB) GB
3. Ray Rice (RB) BAL
4. LeSean McCoy (RB) PHI
5. Tom Brady (QB) NE
6. Drew Brees (QB) NO
7. Maurice Jones-Drew (RB) JAC
8. Calvin Johnson (WR) DET
9. Ryan Matthews (RB) SD
10. Matthew Stafford (QB) DET
11. Chris Johnson (RB) TEN
12. Larry Fitzgerald (WR) ARI 
13. Cam Newton (QB) CAR
14. Rob Gronkowski (TE) NE
15. Darren McFadden (RB) OAK
16. Andre Johnson (WR) HOU
17. Matt Forte (RB) CHI
18. Wes Welker (WR) NE
19. Roddy White (WR) ATL
20. Greg Jennings (WR) GB
21. Jimmy Graham (TE) NO
22. Trent Richardson (RB) CLE
23. Julio Jones (WR) ATL
24. Steve Smith (WR) CAR 
25. DeMarco Murray (RB) DAL
26. A.J. Green (WR) CIN
27. Marshawn Lynch (RB) SEA
28. Mike Wallace (WR) PIT
29. Jamaal Charles (RB) KC
30. Hakeem Nicks (WR) NYG
31. Adrian Peterson (RB) MIN
32. Brandon Marshall (WR) CHI
33. Steven Jackson (RB) STL
34. Tony Romo (QB) DAL
35. Demaryius Thomas (WR) DEN
36. Victor Cruz (WR) NYG 

 As you can see this is the projected order of the first three rounds of a 12 team league.  Out of 36 picks RB and WR split at 14 a piece, 6 QBs, and only 2 TEs.  Though first round is half runners, followed by four QBs, and two receivers, the receivers dominate the following rounds as even the two tight-ends taken play like wide-receivers.  The league has definitely become more pass heavy but that just makes a solid running-back more valuable which is why the top guys are taking before wide-receivers because there is much more receiving talent that can be found later in the draft as opposed to that of running-backs.  I encourage you all to do your homework and do some mock drafts for fun. More updates coming soon. 

Stay CRABby my Friends, 

-DiCrabs

Fun Games

Hey all.

Can you find all 6 differences? Answers will be in next weeks paper.

PACE!

-J.G.

CRABs Sorted

CRAB-Nation!

I am positively thrilled to bring you the news that CRABs J.G., DiCrabrio, and Len have gone through the Pottermore pro-cess and gotten sorted into our appropriate houses. Crab Pitt decided against being apart of the CRAB adventure and therefore has been placed into the Hufflepuff house. Without further adieu, I present the CRABs Hogwarts experience.

J.G.- Gryffindor

This brought me great amounts of joy, like when Brett Favre came to NY. I am prepared and excited to start my journey. Everything from arriving to platform 9 3/4, riding the Hogwarts express, and winning my first house-cup. I am ready to embrace Gryffindor.

DiCrabrio- Ravenclaw

Leonardo is by far the wisest of the CRABs, and so Ravenclaw warmly accepted its newest member. To make sure that he was actually Ravenclaw, DiCrabs went through the sorting pro-cess twice. Commitment. You couldn't force this man apart from his wise roots. Congrats Di

Len- Slytherin

This CRAB can talk to snakes, straight up. He's a freak and he's dang good at being Mad. And apparently evil. Len's precious slytherin recently won the house cup (congrats...-__-) giving him and upper edge and bragging rights on the Funny Team. Won't last long Len, thanks.

Crab Pitt- Hufflepuff

Dude what the heck were you thinking?

G'night CRAB people!

PACE!!

-J.G.

The Dwight Howard Sweepstakes

As the NBA offseason continues, all eyes have turned to what will happen to Dwight Howard, arguably the best center in the NBA. The all-star center has recently made it known that he wants to get out of Orlando, and wants to be traded to the Brooklyn Nets. The Nets seem like a great place to Howard to go, but the problem is that they have recently just signed PG Deron Williams and SG Joe Johnson. They also already have talent at the center position with Brook Lopez. Dwight Howard could get dealt to any other city, but has made it clear that he will not sign a long term extension unless it is with Brooklyn. This makes things extremely difficult and stressful for management of Orlando. They know that Howard wants nothing to do with their city and franchise and has begged to get traded. Also, it is difficult to get anyone to trade with them because other teams know that Dwight Howard is going to divorce them for a year and try to sign with Brooklyn as a free agent. This makes the only decision possible for the Magic execs. is to work out a deal with the Nets that would likely send Howard to them for Brook Lopez, a bunch of scrubs, and multiple first round picks. Although this is not ideal for the Magic, they will likely to get forced into doing a trade that does not give them as much talent as Dwight Howard is worth.

This all makes me furious because I hate to see whiners get what they want (Dwight Howard.) Howard has cried about how much he hates Orlando when the Magic organization has done everything for him. They put talent around him and gave him a great coach in Stan Van Gundy. In return, Howard has gotten general manager Otis Smith fired as well as head coach Stan Van Gundy. Also, he looks like he will probably get what he wants and get traded to the Nets. Because of all of this, Howard has gone from a lovable character who people knew as "Superman" to one of the most disliked players in the NBA. People always talk about how NBA players are thugs and are greedy. This is why these players get these stereotypes. They whine about how everything is terrible for them when in reality they live in a beautiful city, on a winning team, with great fans, making tons of money. Dwight Howard needs to stop trying to be CRABBY and grow up.

Crabbiest CRAB

Len

Overrated/Underrated Bear edition

As many viewers know, the CRABs are very opinionated to who they believe is over and underrated. In this segment, I will talk about the category of "bears" and how they pertain to the overrated and underrated theme.

Overrated

Polar Bears- Polar bears are extremely overrated. As many of us know, they are throwing off things big time when it comes for drilling for oil. I am sick of people telling me how cute and lovable they are. Polar bears walk funny, can't talk, and are just dumb in general. (also beg for recycling to be done during natural disasters) #shout-out

Yogi Bear- Although J.G. will never agree with me on this subject, Yogi Bear is extremely overrated. J.G. claims that this character is funny because he is always going around stealing those picnic baskets. Well let me ask you something... "How would you like it if you learned Yogi Bear stole your food?" Exactly, you would be extremely angry and probably throw a temper tantrum. Yogi Bear is the worst... hate his guts.

Bear Claws- Not bear claws as in the animals' hands, but as the sweet breakfast food that usually contains things such as almonds, nuts, raisons, etc. Many people go around raving about how great this food is. Not at all.... sooo bad... almonds are terrible and so are nuts. These things do not look like bear claws whatsoever. Need some hair and nails on them. #whaddup #badjoke #thisiswhyimonthemadteam

Underrated

Chicago Bears- This NFL team has been around ever since I can remember. Although I am a die hard Lions fan (kinda) the Bears have added new pieces for this upcoming year that make them a contender. People like to forget how well they started off last year, before losing QB Jay Cutler for the year. The Bears are not getting enough love. Watch for them to do better than expected.

Pooh Bear- You are probably looking at this and saying "How is Pooh Bear underrated when everyone likes him?". I just want to say that people love Pooh bear for the wrong reasons. They like him because he is a fun and loving character who makes children laugh. On the contrary people need to learn the real reasons behind loving Pooh. Pooh bear as a huge beer gut, that he says is because of "honey". Yea right Pooh, like people believe that you just eat honey without anything to throw it down with. Cheers Pooh keep lying to the kids. #swag

Grizz-look alikes- Every summer the CRABs go do to the beach where we like to shred. During this time you will find all different types of people. You will see your babes, old men and women, middle aged people and their familes, and of course the GRIZZ men. These guys consist of having disgusting hair which is all over their chests and backs. I know, I know, many of you are saying that this is the worst opinion ever. "How are these fat greaseballs crabtasticly underrated?" Without these men you can't look to the person next to you and point and laugh and talk about how happy you are that you do not have that problem. These guys make for great conversation and therefore are placed easily in the underrated category.


In need of a CRABnation invasion

Len